Black Friday!!!! aka, Well this planet is proper fucked!!!

I enjoy shopping as much as the average man. Well, okay, that’s a lie. I enjoy shopping a little more than the average man. BUT!!!! I only like going to the mall when the shops are quiet and I have an objective to accomplish -purchasing a new pair of shoes or buying a pizza. Nice. Quiet. Stress Free. Simple as that.

So you can no doubt image how I have felt over the years watching the news report the vast legions of low IQ Americans slaughtering each other for trinkets at one of their “mega malls” on Black Friday (Disgusted, for those that did not know.)


Now this “event” has been celebrated in the USA for many years. But, it’s only recently become popular around the world. (Proof humans are morons.)

Black Friday (/?blæk ?fra?de?/) is the day following Thanksgiving Day in the United States (the fourth Thursday of November). Since 1932, it has been regarded as the beginning of the Christmas shopping season in the U.S., and most major retailers open very early (and more recently during overnight hours) and offer promotional sales. Black Friday is not an official holiday, but California and some other states observe “The Day After Thanksgiving” as a holiday for state government employees, sometimes in lieu of another federal holiday such as Columbus Day.[2] Many non-retail employees and schools have both Thanksgiving and the following Friday off, which, along with the following regular weekend, makes it a four-day weekend, thereby increasing the number of potential shoppers. It has routinely been the busiest shopping day of the year since 2005,[3] although news reports, which at that time were inaccurate,[4] have described it as the busiest shopping day of the year for a much longer period of time.[5] Similar stories resurface year upon year at this time, portraying hysteria and shortage of stock, creating a state of positive feedback.” – Wikipedia. (Got to love that website.)

Now some of you might be saying: “So what, homie? People need to shop, dog. A brother needs a little something-something for his ho, yo!” Obviously such a person will be led into a dark room and fed alive to the rabid hamsters. (They always savour the eyes.) Mind you, this is leaning towards the point -not the hamsters- but the cretin that is getting fed to them. He is another example of shit American exports -like Black Friday!

Now I like America. I have many American friends. But as American cultural sharing goes, Black Friday is the fucking worst thing they’ve shared since Mormon missionaries. The thing that upsets me the most about all this insanity is that Black Friday conclusively proves that humanity -or at least the bulk of it- is not ready for space flight or universal expansion. Hell, Black Friday shows that most people should not be allowed to vote! We talk of humanities future on Mars and our cultural evolution, BUT! we’re nothing but greedy beasts committing murder for a fucking TV or deluxe bag of pool noodles! (At this point we’ve had 9 deaths and over 100 injuries on Black Friday(s).)


Ultimately, go shopping on “Black Friday” if you want. Just don’t be surprised if you are not asked to join NASA, and instead get your head stomped to goo by the zombies of greed. Use your brains, people. Go shopping when WW-Stupidity is over.

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