Alien: Covenant (Film Review) (Spoilers!)

 

 “Sometimes, in order to create, one must destroy.” – Prometheus. Well here we are after five years of waiting. Five years of wondering. Five years of cake munching. Behold, Alien: Covenant is here. Behold its purity, its beauty, its relative distance from Prometheus. Join me brothers and sisters of the Giger. Join me as we delve into the depths of Alien: Covenant. (I see Wookiee has rescheduled many of my articles. Just go with it folks. You may get the latest review 3 months late, but at least you’re getting it.) SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! BLOODY SPOILER ALERT! AVOID THIS ARTICLE IF YOU’VE NOT SEEN ANY OF THE FILMS IN THE FRANCHISE OR THIS FILM. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! IT’S YOUR […]

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A few films based on H.P. Lovecraft’s Work

Tell me honestly, are you surprised that I have produced another Lovecraft article? Well if you are, then you must be new here. If not, welcome to another Lovecraftian feast. H.P. Lovecraft’s: Necronomicon, original title Necronomicon, also called Necronomicon: Book of the Dead or Necronomicon: To Hell and Back. (1993) (Thank you Wikipedia). Now this is obviously the most logical place to begin with my Lovecraftian article. In this film H.P. Lovecraft (Jeffrey Combs) gains access to the mysterious Necronomicon. He delves ever deep into its haunting pages as a myriad of ghastly stories play out before his eyes. If you adore Lovecraft then this is a film worthy of your collection. It simply oozes horror. Re-Animator (1985) This is […]

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Bloody Shark Films

I enjoy killer-shark films. To be honest, I enjoy anything that pits stupid swimming humans against vicious slaughtering water beasts. It’s just a shame the humans tend to come out on top. Well, one day we’ll have a film in which EVERYONE that goes into the water gets eaten! Until then we’ll simply have to watch some wonderful killer-seafood movies. 47 Meters Down. (2017) Right, so we’ll start with the latest in killer-shark films. Welcome to 47 Meters Down. (Just ignore the Meg still on the trailer. -Ed). In this film, two morons end up trapped inside a shark cage some 47 meters underwater. (They should have just sent them a goodly length of rope.) There they are assaulted by […]

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DAGON (Classic Film Review)

 

 “”We shall swim out to that brooding reef in the sea and dive down through black abysses to Cyclopean and many columned Y’ha-nthlei, and in that lair of the Deep Ones we shall dwell amidst wonder and glory for ever.” – H.P. Lovecraft. I adore Lovecraft. Have I told you that already? I probably have. But it is true. I adore Lovecraft. I personally think that he was the best horror/sci-fi short story writer of the 20th century. His work has inspired so many writers, musicians, game makers, and film creators -and will continue to do so for ages to come. Now today we look at one of the most interesting films inspired by this brilliant man. Today we look […]

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Doctor She?

“How could they [BBC] let us down like this? How could they fail us so? How could they destroy our hearts and souls? How could they destroy the best TV show ever?! How could they get a filthy female to be the doctor? Well, you know, I am not going to watch it anymore! No I’m not! I’m not!” Well, I say, GOOD! Sod off! We don’t need you and your fanboy bullshit clogging up the universe. For Christ sake, we are in the 21st century you bloody goombas! We have to move with the times, and move on. I wonder if you plebs would have complained if the new doctor was black or Asian? If the doctor was in […]

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Star Wars Downunder. (Indie Fan Film)

 

 I have enjoyed the Star Wars universe for years. The 7 films (4,5,6,1,2,3,7. He’s screwing with us, right? -Ed) The TV series’s. The video games. Each and every part of this amazing space-opera has brought me so much joy. Then comes the world of indie-fan films. Now there have been a goodly number of these amazingly produced, and extremely passionate films made. But none has captured my heart as much as Star Wars Downunder. (2013) (Yes, they have actually video cameras in Australia. Surprised? I know I was. -Ed) Right, let’s have a look at this 30 minute film. Well, the film centres around a fairdinkum Jedi named Merve Bushwacker (David Nicoll), who returns home after a long adventure in deep […]

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Adam West (19 September, 1928 – 9 June, 2017)

By now many of you will know that the most famous Batman of all time has passed away. No, Raven, not Ben Affleck. He’s still alive and well… maybe. Who cares? No, it is with an acid reflux filled heart that we say “Farewell!” to the great Adam West. Now Adam West was not the first to play Batman (That went to Lewis Gilbert Wilson -28 January, 1920 – 9 August, 2000.) Nor was Mr. West the most successful of all Batmen (That would be Christian “The Angry Man” Bale.) But he was the most popular and long-lived live-action Batman ever! Now this iconic sixties series was the epitome of the “Groovy Age.” It was, for those that have not […]

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Starship Troopers

 

 Well my dear friends, our time is drawing to an end. In a little over five weeks I’ll be gone forever. Well, I’ll pop back in from time-to-time, but for the most part you’ll be stuck with Wookiee and his giggly boobs from now on. But before I leave you I’ll attempt to knock out a few more articles. — Now anyone with an internet connection will have heard the news that there is a new Starship Troopers film on the way. Now before we look at the trailer we’ll have a quick look at the history of this beloved franchise. Our franchise began in 1958-1959, when American author Robert A. Heinlein (7 July, 1907 – 8 May, 1988) took […]

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Westworld (Series Review)

 

 A large number of people adore cowboy films. A vast number of people love sci-fi. A goodly gang of people delight in thrillers. And a few people love all three of them combined into a single show. Welcome to the robot filled Wild West. Welcome to the madness that is Westworld. The show is based on the book of the same name written by the legendary Michael Crichton (23 October, 1942 – 4 November, 2008) and loosely based on the films ‘Westworld’ (1973) and ‘Futureworld’ (1976).  The series is set in the near future and focusses on a Wild West theme park that allows wealthy humans to interact with robotic facsimiles (Hosts), engage in adventures, become part of their own […]

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Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (Film Review)

 

 I’d like to start off by saying this: People are fecking stupid! I’ve recently seen a number of “reviews” for this film and most of them seem to be suffering under the illusion that this is meant to be a top quality film. IT’S NOT! It’s supposed to be an amusing little indie action-comedy that is a sequel to a early ’90’s cult classic. In short, it’s a bit of fun for the fans. STOP TAKING LIFE SO SERIOUSLY! Right, now that that is over with we’ll get to this amazingly entertaining indie film. Right, so in 1991 a small gang of Americans produced a direct-to-video action-comedy that was considered so bad and so cringe worthy that it became an […]

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