THE TOP FIVE: WORST VIDEO GAME FILMS OF THE 90’S!

 

 Choices; choices; choices. We love games. We love films. And the creators of both mediums KNOW that we do. So why, do THEY often turn a franchise – that we have adored – into a mess, that has more in common with trouser gravy, than good cinema? Because they can, and we’ll watch it, and they know we’ll pay money. Lots of money. NOW, you may be asking yourself “How bad could it possibly be, Shadow? Sure the films based on video-games are pretty bad now. But where they always bad from day one? Could they have actually created something so fowl, so horrific, so unworthy of the title… that it could offend our Geek sensibilities?” YES! They could; they […]

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STAR TREK: MONDAY 2

 

 “All your people must learn before you can reach for the stars.” -Kirk. Well it’s another Monday, and if you have been paying attention over the past week, you will KNOW that I’m dedicating Mondays to all things Star Trek. Or at least all memes Star Trek. Last week we looked into the SEVEN classic, Captain Jean-Luc Picard memes. This week, we look at the memes of Captain James T. Kirk. (You may now get your fan-boy freak on.)   “A little suffering is good for the soul.” – Kirk. ANGRY KIRK: Now as Captain Kirk memes go – there are a lot of them – this is one of the defining ones. In this classic de-motivational (most Kirk memes […]

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EMPIRE/NAPOLEON: TOTAL WAR DARTH MOD!

 

 “Imagination rules the world.” – Napoleon Bonaparte. The rain falls gently onto the small village and surrounding farmland; as my artillery shells the enemies position. Traditionally: I am used to using four divisions of cannon (horse drawn, 6 pounders) as my ‘first punch’ on the battlefield. The opening salvoes are always swiftly followed by four divisions of cavalry (two light, and two heavy) all of which are supported by a swift kick in the groin, given by almost a dozen divisions of infantry (mostly line, with a few support troops.) All these forces usually total around, 2500 men in 20 divisions. But on this day; the situation is different. I have commenced the battle as tradition dictates: with an overwhelming […]

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STAR TREK: MONDAY

 

 “We’re out here to explore. To make contact with other life forms. To establish peaceful relations, but not to interfere. And absolutely not to destroy. And yet look at what we have just done.” –  Picard. As you can probably tell from the above picture, this week – and perhaps longer – I’ll be dedicating Monday Memes, to all things Star Trek. And where better to start then with one of the Federations greatest: Captain Jean-Luc Picard? (You may now start your Kirk vs Picard fan-boy arguments.) Now during my research into Picard memes I discovered that there are – generally accepted – no fewer then SEVEN different types of Picard meme. So, it goes without saying, we are going […]

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CRYSIS VS DEAD SPACE.

 

 Now you may be asking yourself “Why did he choose to do a  Crysis vs Dead Space article?” Why? Because they both have a third installment out. (Very simple. I know.) Not to mention the fact that they have both been recently released, and are both on the “must have” list of many gamers. The question is: Which one do you buy? CRYSIS: Since 2007, the Crysis games have gone from a relatively large front-line soldier of the games industry, to an incredibly large and constantly evolving storm trooper of the games industry. With it’s impressive graphics, game play, story, combat system, and ability to grow, Crysis has become a byword for most gamers.  But what is it about Crysis that […]

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DEAD SPACE 3: UNLIMITED WEAPONS!

 

 “Let’s get one thing straight, Clarke: we came to this frozen shithole to stop the Markers…” – Carver. Those words may ring true, but as we all know, it takes more than a couple of brave men to stop an alien menace. It takes a couple of brave men with an overwhelming amount of firepower! And for those of us who have played the previous Dead Space titles, we know what sorts of necro-slaying tools should be at our disposal. HOWEVER! For Dead Space 3, things have changed. Gone are the days of simply adding “power nodes” to improve your weapons. Now you get to create new weapons from scratch! THAT’S RIGHT! From SCRATCH! Think of it: combining all your […]

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ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES

 

 Some of us have been waiting a long time for THIS day to arrive. Others… have only just found out. But for those of us who have been patiently waiting for close to 11 years, our long wait is over. And the controversy has begun. NOW, Tuesday is usually regarded as trailer day. However, I (your friend and humble narrator) will break the mould slightly as today we focus on not only the trailer, but a review as well; for we cannot sum up this monster of the gaming world with a few short paragraphs. HISTORY: Alien: Colonial Marines (ACM) was originally set to release on PlayStation in 2001. However it was cancelled. THEN in 2006, it was picked up […]

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DOOM 4

 

 “I’m gonna sing the “Doom Song” now. DOOM, DOOM, DOOM, DOOM, DOOM, DOOM…” How many times are we going to have to drive the forces of Hell back? We kicked them out TWICE in Doom 3, and R.O.E. We beat them in Doom and Doom 2. And no matter what WE do, they just creep back into our lives; like insects sneaking through the cracks in the floor. And now it looks as if we are going to have to do the whole job again! Though ID Software has not officially announced the return of DOOM. It has been hinted at by some of their staff, though the release date is unconfirmed, the return of Doom. DOOM 4: “Hell On […]

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DOOM 3 VS QUAKE 4: Throwdowns of Destruction!

 

 “Move it! Haul ass or die!” -Bidwell. This is my first official Thursday Throwdown, and in sticking with the weeks theme, I’ve decided to do a DOOM 3 VS QUAKE 4 article. Now that I have split the room – and I do look forward to receiving your fan based hate mail. I shall attempt to take you though this UNBIASED look at two of ID Software’s best selling titles. Be they aliens or demons, they will all die the same. ID Software first released DOOM in 1993, followed by Quake in 1996. Both games featured YOU playing as a soldier fighting the good fight, in an FPS environment, against an invading enemy force. However, were DOOM has stuck with […]

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DOOM: 5 Weapons of Divine War.

 

     “Right, you’re the control, and if that fails, I’m the damage.” – Jack Campbell. Those were words were first heard at the beginning of DOOM 3, and I immediately took them to heart. Now I – once again – decided to write a short article. But, as YOU know, my plans never work out. So instead of the 200 word “happy weapons of Doom” article I was planning, I have instead found myself doing a short/over the top write up, regarding my 5 favourite weapons of DOOM!                          1: Double Barrel Shotgun. NOW here’s a classic peace/piece maker. Although she was not introduced until DOOM 2, she became the staple weapon for most DOOM fans. After she wasn’t included […]

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