HEAVY METAL: FRANCHISE.

 

 “There was no way I was gonna walk around this place with my dork hanging out!” – Den. HEAVY METAL: 36 years on. Have you watched the “Heavy Metal” films, read the magazines, played the game? You haven’t! Well, you must rectify that at once. Since 1 April, 1977, Heavy Metal magazine and all its offspring have been thrilling the world with tales of horror, science-fiction, good old fashioned adventure stories and pictures of semi-naked warrior ladies. Over the course of this – long – article we shall look back over the past 38 years of the Heavy Metal franchise. The reason it is called, Heavy Metal? Well, that’s simple. Heavy Metal music: Black Sabbath, Devo, and Grand Funk Railroad […]

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ZOMBIES: Fact, fiction, or theoretical possibility? PART 2

 

 “I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.” – Graig Ferguson. Welcome back to the land of unlife. Last week we looked into the wonderful world of zombies: from their humble beginnings, to their cultural impact. This week we carry on with all things zombie, as we delve into the 21st century, and take a look at how the undead have become a mainstay of our world. “I will not negotiate with the undead!” – David Wellington, Monster Island. TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY: PART 1. Since the dawn of the 21st century human beings have become more obsessed with zombies than almost any other supernatural or mythological creations. Books, films, comics, games, TV shows, all now feature zombies […]

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THE TOP FIVE: WORST VIDEO GAME FILMS 2000 – 2010.

 

 “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.” – Shakespeare. Recently we looked to the 1990’s for video-game films so horrifically produced, that they became glorious masterpieces of trash-cinema. So by now, you would think that after their horrific performances at the box office, the production of such ass-gravy would have been scrapped; replaced with nothing but magnificent odes to amazing games. But you’d be wrong. Since 2000 things have only gotten worse. Now we could be here for quiet some time, filling up volumes with arguments about which film is worse. But the truth is: THERE ARE TOO MANY TO NAME! So instead of arguing, this is what we are going to do. We are going to delve […]

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STAR TREK: MONDAY 5

 

 “Does your expertise on… sexual tension come from professional training or… firsthand experience?” – Captain Archer. As you can no doubt tell, WE are coming to the end of Star Trek – Captain – Mondays – though we are far from finishing all things Star Trek. This week we have a brief – very brief – look into the memes of the Enterprises first captain: Jonathan Archer. Archer memes are amongst the rarest Star Trek memes to find. They are so rare that they are almost non-existent. “That’s… never happened before.” – Captain Archer. RUBBING IT IN: Like all the previous memes we have looked at, de-motivational memes carry the day. However, unlike other Star Trek de-motivationals, Archers memes are […]

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VAMPIRE THE MASQUERADE: BLOODLINES

 

    “Police don’t have any suspects at this time, but they’re pretty sure that it was you.” -TV set. Damned security guard just shot me! Five bullets in the chest! Luckily for me and unluckily for him, a vampire cannot be felled by a few rounds fired from a ‘cap gun’. He seems to be backing away now. I think he has realised his mistake. Shame he is standing in front of the only exit. I suppose I shall have to deal with him… permanently. A myriad of choices present themselves to me. I could rush him, and tear him apart with claw, or axe, or any number of remorseless weapons; though that might be a bit excessive. I could […]

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ZOMBIES: Fact, fiction, or theoretical possibility? PART 1

 

 “[I was taken] to the house, whose inhabitants are deprived of light; to the place where dust is their sustenance, their food clay. They are clothed, like a bird, with feathered raiment.” – Gilgamesh. I had an idea for a nice little article about the undead. But, little did I know, that the sweet and innocent article would quickly turn into a rambling monster of reborn pain and re-purposed flesh. ZOMBIES! Love them or hate them; they are part of our culture; and our Wednesdays. But how long have they been in our culture; and what is our fascination with them? Follow me as we try and get some answers to “ZOMBIES: Fact, fiction, or theoretical possibility? PART 1” “So […]

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AGE OF EMPIRES II: HD VERSION

 

 “Gagnismadr” – Vikings. 14 years ago a game was released that became an instant single and multi-player favourite; that game was Age Of Empires II (AOE 2). In 2000 an expansion pack “The Conquerors” (pre-DLC) was released which added even more to the world we loved. Since then a third installment of the game was released, as well as a turn-based version of AOE 2 for the Nintendo DS, though these failed to live up to its predecessors greatness. Now, after a dozen years, AOE 2 is coming back… remastered, reworked, redone… in all new HD glory. “Bahithaton aan el taam” – Saracens. In 2012, Hidden Path Entertainment (Counter-Strike: Global Offensive, Defense Grid: The Awakening) began work on the remastered […]

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STAR TREK: MONDAY 4

 

 “There’s an old saying, Fortune favors the bold. Well, I guess we’re about to find out.” – Captain Sisko. It’s Monday and that means Star Trek! Once again we begin our week with captain memes. And – for those who have been paying attention – this week we delve into the world of Star Treks only stationary captain: Benjamin Sisko. (And before you start writing me hate mail; YES! I know Sisko used to be a commander in the first few seasons. But he eventually became a Captain. And that’s what counts.) “Captain’s personal log, stardate five one seven… thr-, uh… Five one seven… four – Computer, what day is it?” – Captain Sisko. SERIOUS SISKO: Now when it comes […]

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STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

 

 “Dammit, man! I’m a doctor, not a physicist!” – Bones McCoy. In 2009 a new Star Trek film was released. (I’m sure you saw it.) Fans of the original Star Trek were instantly torn between loyalty for their original family or for the new guys. And I must say the new guys were a sight to behold. Since then we have been waiting for the next film in this re-imagined franchise to be released, and this year (2013) our wait will be over. “I like this ship! You know, it’s exciting!” – Scotty. Since the announcement of the next film, the internet has become a breeding ground for rumours, half-baked ideas, conspiracies and a never ending multi-sided argument regarding the […]

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STAR TREK: MONDAY 3

 

 “The dead girl? Oh yes, very charming. I can see the family resemblance.” – Captain Janeway. As you have probably guessed, it’s Monday and that means MEME time. And continuing with our theme of Star Trek Mondays we’re going to delve into the wonderful world of Captain Janeway – the only female captain of the Star Trek franchise. And the only captain to end up on the other side of the galaxy for a chunk of their career. “Eat doggie dooby!” – Captain Janeway. JANEWAY FACEPALM: Now as the more perceptive of you have probably realised there are a lot of “facepalm” memes on the internet. However, when it comes to memes of Captain Janeway the pre/post faceplam memes carry […]

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