Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (Film Review)

 

I’d like to start off by saying this: People are fecking stupid! I’ve recently seen a number of “reviews” for this film and most of them seem to be suffering under the illusion that this is meant to be a top quality film. IT’S NOT! It’s supposed to be an amusing little indie action-comedy that is a sequel to a early ’90’s cult classic. In short, it’s a bit of fun for the fans.

STOP TAKING LIFE SO SERIOUSLY!

Right, now that that is over with we’ll get to this amazingly entertaining indie film.

Right, so in 1991 a small gang of Americans produced a direct-to-video action-comedy that was considered so bad and so cringe worthy that it became an instant cult classic. Obviously, it was such a cult hit that a sequel was planned, but never made…. UNTIL! the year 2015. Thanks to modern technology –Kickstarter and Indiegogo– computer graphics, a surplus of porn stars, a gang of “matured” men, a lack of Asian people and a Tommy Wiseau, this long awaited sequel finally made it into our lives.

FUN FACT: Tommy Wiseau made it into this film because -according to certain people- Samurai Cop 1 was the one film worse than The Room. So the film makers added him to their sequel. And, as you can imagine, he gave an amazing performance. 

Behold! It is the ultimate action hero.

Right, so at the end of Samurai Cop 1 the hero and his lady go off into the sunset. Now in the beginning of Samurai Cop 2 the hero’s lady gets shot in the chest and is killed. (I saw no bullet hole. -Ed) The hero (Matt Hannon) then goes off and hides in a basement for the next 24 years. (I hope you’re following this. It’s going to get… interesting. -Ed) At the same time the non-Asian, Japanese villains (We’ll explain soon. -Ed) end up in some sort of civil war that leads to the hero and friends returning to save the day in their unique way.

THE CAST: Most of them have Asian names and are members of various Japanese gangs -that all seem to be hiding inside the same basement complex as the hero- though none of them seem to know this; nor do most of them look Asian. (I blame outsourcing. -Ed) Yes, they pretty much whitewashed this film -for comic effect reasons. It’s quite amusing seeing white people screaming in bad Japanese, and waving swords around. (It’s like being at any Anime Con. -Ed)

  • Mathew Karedas as Joe Marshall
  • Mark Frazer as Frank Washington
  • Bai Ling as Doggé Sakamoto
  • Kayden Kross as Milena Roberts/Jennifer
  • Janis Farley appears as Jennifer in archival footage
  • Tommy Wiseau as Linton Kitano
  • Cranston Komuro as Fuj Fujiyama
  • Laurene Landon as Detective Higgins
  • Mel Novak as Cutter
  • Gerald Okamura as Okamura
  • Melissa Moore as Peggy
  • Lexi Belle as Hera
  • Joe Estevez as Captain Robert Harmon
  • Nicole Bailey as Tessa
  • Mindy Robinson as Lauren Kimura
  • Thomas J. Churchill as Roger Takahara
  • Jimmy Williams as Carter
  • Robbie Augspurger as Mola Ram
  • Lisa London as Master Kitano
  • Kristine DeBell as Bobbie
  • Nicole D’Angelo as Anna
  • Joselito Rescober as Alfonso Rafael Federico Sebastian
  • Jesse Hlubik as Lior
  • Matthew Mahaney as Zemko
  • Kevin Gowen as Thakar
  • Yuka Sano as Yoshiwara

SAD FACT: Robert Z’Dar who played Yamashita in the first film was set to reprise the role but died before filming began.

Tommy Wiseau as Linton Kitano, the ultimate Japanese villain.

Right, now we’ll try and comprehend this film. From what Wookiee and I can understand of this film it seems to follow the following storyline. (This is our theory. Not the film’s official story.) It seems that there are a number of *white* Asian gangs -maybe 2, could be as many as 9- that seem to be at war with each other.

Now somehow the hero’s colleagues get dragged into this war. In an attempt to save the day, Frank Washington tracks down his partner -the hero- (by driving a car) to an old basement in the desert. There they fight off Foot-Ninjas. (Yes, they look like bloody members of the Foot. Nice to know they managed to get a new job after Shredder was killed by those bloody Ninja Turtles.) Anyway, after the fight the old friends end up on a aeroplane that gets attacked by Bai Ling and co.

Later there’s some sort of drama scenes. Sex with lots of porn stars. (Many of them have been in more films than the main cast. -Ed) Some more plot that just involves constipated faces, bad SFX and more ass kicking Ninjas. Then the hero and friends track down all the villains to the same underground base, and then there’s some fighting and death. Then Tommy Wiseau mumbles some sort of inane villain speech at the hero before they prance around with swords and fight their final battle. The Samurai Cop and friends go home… or to the pub.

Well, that’s what Wookiee and I think it was about. Oh, and there’s a chap named Mola Ram who appears randomly, runs into a room while shouting his name, shoots some bad guys and then runs out the room still shouting. We’re still not sure where, who, how and why he was.

Obviously, as I’ve already stated, this film is simply a bit of fun. If you want to spend 90 minutes watching something entertaining and silly, then watch this film! If not, go and masturbate to the latest comic-book slop.

MOOOLLLLLAAAAAA RRRRAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

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