SHARKNADO: Something fishy!


Disclaimer: This is NOT a review. It does, however, include snippets of the work of a cryptozoologist who took it upon himself to determine the true origin of the “Sharknado” event that struck Hollywood in the summer of 2013.

From its creation, what has been termed as the Sharknado did not behave like a typical weather phenomenon. Indeed, it did sweep in and destroy homes and buildings like a regular storm but within it were those “jaws from the deep” of various species. These sharks that had congregated in large numbers to migrate, were easily sucked into the approaching storm systems.

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Cryptozoologist Prof. Ringo Gordon.

Cryptozoologist Prof. Ringo Gordon, who has led several expeditions in search of legendary pokemo… I mean animals such as Drop bears and Hoop snakes (Seen below), is now the leading expert on Sharknados after having viewed the video footage several times, has stated the following:

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Hoop snake.

Sharknado is what can be termed as a super organism: One massive creature, with the sharks merely acting as its means of acquiring sustenance. Typical tornadoes are fuelled by rising warm air currents meeting cooler air. My hypothesis is that Sharknado required an additional means of fuelling its deadly path of destruction which is where the sharks came in. Hurricanes are fuelled by warm ocean waters and mostly occur in the tropics. This one, however, was headed to LA which not known to experience hurricanes due to its geographical location. The fact that the storm transformed from a hurricane to several tornadoes upon reaching land shows a level of intelligence on the part of the Sharknado. Like all fish, sharks have a gill system which allows them to extract oxygen from the water so that they may respire. The Sharks within the sharknados, however, were able to survive outside water and maintain their appetites, despite not being in their natural environment.

This suggests that the storm itself acted like an artificial water matrix that bound, surrounded and penetrated through the sharks respiratory systems allowing them to survive. If this is the case, then Sharknado was the largest organism that the world has ever seen.”

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Portuguese man o’ war.

It’s behaviour was like a colony and can thus be likened to a Portuguese man o’ war which, although resembling a common jellyfish, actually belongs to a different family of marine organisms. Portuguese man o’ wars consist of specialised cells each with specific functions. These cells range from from stinging cells (for capturing food and defence) to reproductive cells.

Sharks have been around for about 375 million years and have somehow outlived most species. The question that has always puzzled scientists has been how they managed to survive wave after wave of mass extinction events. Well, this could be the answer. They outlived other species by feeding on them as part of the superorganism. Imagine a sharknado with sharks over 14m long chomping on dinosaurs!

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Drop bear. (One of those ripped my cousins tongue out. He’s never spoken about it. -Ed.)

I hypothesise that the sharks serve two functions: defence of the Sharknado as well as getting organic food items. We don’t have sufficient evidence to determine what Sharknados ultimate goal was, perhaps they were migrating to meet up with Stonados..

so that mating can occur, who knows. What is certain is that it will happen again….. and again. Just look at IGN for proof.

I hope that this article has at least led you to the realisation that Shaarknado is a living being.

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