Solo: A Star Wars Story
Star Wars is mediocre wank at best. The plots could have been written by children; the characters are pretty much forgettable, and the actors are a bunch of scanners for the most part. Episodes 1 to 3 are loved by right gobdaws and no bugger else. Episodes 4 to 6 are amusing, but not that great, and far too dated. 7 and 8 are bollocks of the biggest type. And then there’s Rogue One and Solo….
I like those films. Do you hear me, you bastards?! I actually like the independent tales. They are well good. (You didn’t see that coming did you? -Ed[Apparently Celtic John thinks he can tell me what to say -Real Ed])
Now one of the greatest problems with doing a prequel film that features a beloved character is not to, A: Bugger it up, B: Stuff up the established story, and C: Get the right actor. These three sound easy but bawbags can bugger anything up.
A: Now as we’ve seen with episodes 1 to 3 IF you let the special effects run away, let badly written characters take big roles, and let fud’s do as they want with the franchise then you end up with a massive jobby.
B: As we’ve seen in 7 and 8 IF you start changing laws, rules and concepts, as well as not explaining how this diddy became that diddy and so forth you end up with too many questionable issues. Look at Snoke. Who the fuck is that scanner! Where did he come from? Where did he go? Is it something to do with Cotton Eyed Joe?
C: Look at Bilbo Baggins. Martin Freeman did a great job as the hobbit. He looked the part, acted the part, he IS Bilbo. Where as the plank in Star Trek IS NO Kirk! He’s a wallaper at best. Luckily though for Star Wars, they have gotten the right man for the Han Solo job. He carries himself well, he looks the part, and he’s got the style. He oozes it like some sort of curry sauce.
That’s it. I am bored now. I need a pint. I liked Solo. It’s a good film. I can’t wait for the next independent one. Episode 9 however, that can go and bugger itself with a garden fork.