Sonic’s 20th birthday

20 years ago today, one of gaming’s most iconic video game characters “jumped” into the scene.

Sonic the Hedgehog.

20 minutes ago, I was thrown out of his party.

It was a small gathering to celebrate Sonic’s 20th birthday and his new title ‘Sonic Generations’. Some unknown enemy created time holes and every single Sonic character ever was there. Not only that, some of the other Sega guys tagged along.

Among the many celebrities were the Yakuza gang (Not doing anything illegal or wrong. Seriously, they said they would beat me up if I mentioned the… Um… Cake? They made?)

There was Mr. X hitting on Blaze Fielding, which abruptly ended with one of Axel Stone’s famous “Dragon Paws.”

You know, I always thought it sounded weird when he said that in the game, but it turns out he just has a weird accent. (I think they call the accent Megadriver, might have to google that.)

Next there was the House of the Dead gang, and I think they were trying to get rid of me. They kept on telling me: “We’re meeting G over there.”

Meh, whatever, they have weird monotone voices.

Plus I don’t care much for the zombies they brought. Those zombies ate all the cake! Jerks.

I couldn’t keep track of all the guests, but one guy I wanted to get off of my tail is Alex Kidd. He wanted me to interview him, and he keeps on saying: “Yeah, I was the original mascot for Sega. Just you wait, I’m making a come back!” Poor little guy, he doesn’t know that the world is HD now, he wouldn’t last a second.

Finally the time arrived, Sonic and Old Sonic entered the room and were ready to receive their presents. I rushed to the front to give my gift first. I had so many questions to ask them.

“What was it like fighting in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?”,

“Is it true Sega is making a dreamcast 2?”;

“Could you sign this picture for me?”

Sadly though, none of this happened, because I gave the Sonics the worst gift ever. Swimming lessons.

The room grew quiet; everyone was staring at me. “Haha, well, uh, you know… You’re 20 years old and you don’t know how to swim…”

The Sonics ran out of the room crying, how was I suppose to know that they suffered from hydrophobia?

It wasn’t even 30 seconds and the Yakuza gang tossed me out and threatened me with… Puppies, cute and adorable puppies. (They told me not to mention anything.)

So, let this be a lesson to all of you on Sonic’s next birthday. Get him scuba gear instead, and stay away from the punch. (Tails spiked it.)